“When life was unfair … How one man survived … And learned how to cope”

 

The following excerpts give a brief glimpse into the topics included in the book.  The book covers seven major areas of life and six of them are sampled below.  The title of the vignette and the first paragraph of the vignette are included. 

Cancer – What did it have to do with me? 

Waiting for the phone to ring was maddening!  It was Friday the 13th, but I had not been superstitious before.  My urologist left me a voice mail with her cell phone number and how I could reach her later that day.  I felt that if the biopsy results were negative, she would have left me a message that everything was okay.  That evening the call that I was dreading finally came.  My doctor's voice was subdued as she told me that I had cancer and that it was fairly aggressive.  That one word (aggressive) was especially disconcerting since it was being used in a cancer diagnosis.  I had been on an emotional roller coaster since October 2008 and now it was March 2009.  Six months of hoping for good news to no avail.  I had no idea what I would be in for in the months to come and I was very apprehensive! 

 

Racism & bigotry – Their impact on three generations 

A black, lace mantilla covered my grandmother's head.  Even though she was a beautiful woman, her face appeared washed out and expressionless.  The photograph was taken when she was in her forties, but she looked much older.  She was at the funeral of her firstborn son, who had been killed in the Battle of the Bulge in World War II.  The firstborn son holds a special place in a Latino family.  My mother's older brother was not even a naturalized citizen when he gave his life for his adopted country.  He was not given the military honor of being buried at the Arlington National Cemetery because Latinos were not treated fairly in 1944.  Instead, his grave lies unattended in his family’s former hometown of Topeka.  His family moved to California in the 1950’s, so no one is there on Memorial Day! 

 

A casualty of war -- He was a true friend! 

The somber music with its haunting theme filled the quiet void.  Beautiful flowers were everywhere and their scent filled the air.  The flag-draped coffin rested at the front of the room.  The Vietnam War had exacted a terrible toll on the family of one young man.  Evidently, he had been badly disfigured in a jungle battle so the coffin was sealed to spare his loved ones.  At 20 years of age I was no longer a child, but still had a lot to learn about being a man.  This was the first time that I watched a friend being buried.  It did not seem right in any way because Gary had his whole life in front of him.  As I approached his mother, I wondered what I could possibly say to her.  Before I could utter a word, she said "Bob, it's really Gary".  Those few words showed how much pain she was in, and her comment changed me forever! 

My sudden vision loss -- Imagine being accused of faking it 

The flight to Boston was unsettling as I feared another eye surgery was in store for me.  I already had full scleral buckles on both eyes, so another retinal detachment could blind me.  My appointment with my eye specialist was the next morning, but I slept little due to my apprehension.  The doctor gave me an extensive exam, but was puzzled because it was not a retina problem.  He acknowledged my loss of central vision in my right eye and peripheral vision in my left eye, but admitted that he had no idea what had caused it.  A sense of relief swept over me when I heard that I would not have to undergo another eye surgery.  But my concern quickly spiked as I wondered what caused my vision loss.  I left the doctor's office shaken because I feared what was yet to come.  I could never have imagined! 

 

My mother's premature death – I did not get to say goodbye 

It had been a warm June day in Boulder, Colorado and the fan drew in the cool night air.  Was it a dream or an apparition when my mother appeared in the doorway of our bedroom?  The ringing telephone shattered the early morning quiet, and a call around 2:00 AM was usually not good news.  My sister was calling to tell me that my mother had suffered a major stroke.  I asked to speak to the doctor and he told me that she would probably not survive until morning.  My family lived in Wichita, Kansas so my challenge became getting there quickly.  There were no flights until midmorning the next day.  To get there by train, I would have to go to Chicago and then backtrack.  The bus entailed an 18 hour ride.  It appeared that I would not be able to get there before my mother died! 

 

 

One dreadful morning -- What happened to my wife? 

Sleep was elusive that Sunday night and early Monday morning.  Nancy was not feeling well which was evident by her fitful attempts to sleep. I decided that in the morning, I would take her back to the hospital for further tests.  It was not a scream, but more of a gasping noise that broke the silence of the early morning.  I bolted upright in the bed and asked Nancy if she was all right.  She did not respond so I touched her and asked her again if she was OK.  There was no response so I raised my voice and increased the pressure of my touch.  She was not moving and not making any sounds.  I knew that something was terribly wrong!